Another My Immortal commentary
by RatcheT2497
Summary: Well, as my first story on faniction, i decided on a commentary. Why? Well... I'm not exactly good at writing dialogue : Darn... Anyway, welcome to yet ANOTHER my immortal commentary... By the way, i will be changing the rating. But for now, it's rated T. There is som slight swearing, i just noticed :/
1. Chapter 1

**(Hello, i am RatcheT2497 and welcome to my first commentary and/or story on fanfiction! I will be commentating on the possibly worst fanfiction on the internet, My Immortal! So, let's venture into this crapfiction!)**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **(Ha. Ha. Ha.)** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **(You were thinking about it. Not us.)** raven, bloodytearz666 **(...)** 4 helpin me wif **(She/He is your wife?)** da story and spelling. U rok! Justin **(Who?)** ur da luv of my deprzzing **(What's a deprzzing?)** life u rok 2! MCR ROX **(I am not even going to comment on that one.)**!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way** (Is it even possible having a name that long?** **Also, is Dark'ness even a name that exists?)** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)** (Captain Obvious is obvious...)** with purple streaks and red tips **(Wha-?)** that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid **(Limpid...What's a limpid?)** tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **(Don't worry people. Even i don't know who that is, and i won't "get da hell out of here")**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie **(Incest!)**. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white **(Oh, my teeth are wavy and green)**. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch **(..a witch vampire...)**, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England** (*cough* Scottland *cough*)** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **(NO SHIT)**. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **(She thinks we are stupid. )** and I wear mostly black.** (No duh.)** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today** (WARNING: This part will make you lose 1 IQ point for every clothing item she describes here.)** I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt , pink fishnets **(Fishnets?)** and black combat boots **(Black combat boots? Really?)** . I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow **(Da hell)** . I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **(Snowing and raining? *sigh*)** so there was no sun **(Again, No duh)**, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(The protagonist of this story, everybody!)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was . Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(Uhh, shyly?)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(THE BEST CONVERSATION EVER!)**

AN: IS it good? **(Nope!)** PLZ tell me fangz! **(Well, that's it for this chapter... So, if you want, review, rate, but if you don't, ok. See ya next chapter! -RatcheT2497 out. )**


	2. Chapter 2

**(Hello, and welcome to the second chapter of Another My Immortal Commentary! This chapter is longer than the previous, which means that it s even worse! So, let s venture into this chapter!)**

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta **(Uh, i think its trying to communicate..)**! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **(The people who are flaming this story aren t preps. They just have a positive IQ level.)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom **(Oh, i woke up in a tin box.)**. It was snowing and raining again** (Snowing and raining again...Yeh)**. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle **(Uhhh...)** I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink **(If i am not mistaken, isn't pink kind of a color... Well, not for goffs ?)** velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of**(f)** my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead,** (WARNING: POINTLESS SCENE APPROACHING FROM THE WEST)** I put on a black leather dress a pentagram necklace, combat boots** (Again, combat boots? The f***?)** and black fishnets **(She sure loves her fishnets!)** on. I put on four pairs of earrings** (Uhh, how can you have four pairs of earrings?)** in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)** (Pointless character introduction!)** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(Soo, she smiled, flipped her hair, and THEN opened her eyes? Whaa?)** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt **(WE DON'T CARE)** with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) "OMFG **( OMFG ? Really?)**, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!"**(Idiot.)** I shouted.

"Yeah right! " she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me **(Timing!)**.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily **(flirtily? So, she doesn t like him, but she says things to him flirtily? *dies of too much idiocy*)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" **("I hate you!" As he said that, he shot Ebony in the head, and she was dead. THE END)** I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade** (From what i know, Good Charlotte are a muggle band.. So how can they have a concert here?)**." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well . do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(Yep! This ends with a cliff-hanger! So, i hoped you enjoyed this chapter, and , if you want to, review, and follow! See ya on the next chapter! RatcheT2497 out)**


End file.
